Its Free Money. Week "3"

Here's my monologue. Me and me 2 friends are staying in tonight and gaming for about twelve hours. We have a SEGA, Nintendo, Super nintendo, gamecube, wii, 2 ps3's, and some BEER. Winners? Yep. Can't wait to play online and talk shit to blacks.

NCAA

Utah @ TCU

BJ: How in the world is TCU such a huge favorite over Utah? Did I miss something? Isn't Utah 8-1 with a few pretty large wins of their own. Granted they don't look as dominate as TCU, I still don't understand how they are 20 point underdogs.
That being said, I still think TCU will win. The Horned Frogs will come out hungry, mainly because the TCU athletic site states, "A HORNED FROG's primary diet is red harvester ants; they'd like 80 to 100 a day. Unfortunately, red ants are falling victim to insecticides and to more aggressive fire ants in much of Texas." I think a proper supplement for red harvester ants is a good ole fashioned Ute. Plus who would care if a few more indians (Utes) died.

BJ: Utah +20

BW: Oh, this game has "you just got fucked out of your money" written all over it. TCU is blowing out everybody and looking damn good in doing it. But in roll the mormons. Sure they are those BYU type of mormons but they are hardcore mormons nonetheless. And mormons hate horny frogs. Oh, the name is horned frogs? Well dont tell the mormons that, they hate anything thats horny! It's blasphemous! (The following 2 sentences do not apply to horny 3rd wives. In the mormon world that's jackpottttt). Uber trap game for guys giving the points.

BW: Mormons +20.

PC: TCU wins this one. But twenty points is insane. I forget Utah's RB but he can play.

PC: Fags +20

Notre Dame @ Pittsburgh

BJ: Sorry Pete, but I really hope Pittsburgh wins this one. I'm looking for a good showdown between Cincinnati and Pitt in a few weeks with only one loss between them. I wish this line was the line of the TCU game because then I would pick Pitt -20. I trust Notre Dame that little.
Plus if Pitt loses, that means the talks of Charlie Weis being fired will cool down. I LOVE hearing talks of his firing, and I don't ever want them to cool down. In fact I think boosters should fork over money so Notre Dame can keep Weis there for 10 more years. 10 more years of "Is Charlie Weis on the hot seat?"

BJ:Pitt -7

BW: The Big East is terrible and Pitt shouldn't be 8. Notre Dame is terrible and shouldn't get 80% of the press that it gets. But Pitt doesn't run the triple option. Pitt will win, but I think ND keeps it close.

BW: ND +7

PC: How did PItt get to 8-1? By playing terrible teams. Weis is already fired Bob so don't worry about it. ND wins out right. I don't even want the points.

PC: ND even

College Game of the Week: Ursinus vs Dickinson

BJ: For years I've talked about how much I love the Centennial Conference. Not only is this a battle of Centennial Conference opponents, but it is a match-up of arguable the two most underrated non-FBS/FCS Pennsylvania teams in the nation. I look for the Dickinson Red Devils to continue to run the ball well, seeing as their average is about 246 yds/game. For 34 years Dickinson played host to the Washington Redskins training camp. (1963-1994) That would put a horrible taste in my mouth and make me want to play hard every week. Look for Dickinson to continue there march for the Centennial Conference Championship.

BJ: Dickinson 42 - Ursinus 10

BW: Everytime I look at Ursinus I think Uranus. And that's hysterical. These Dickinson guys don't know whats coming. The Red Devils are about to become the Brown Devils after Ursinus shits all over them this weekend. Dickinson may run the ball well, but they're about to get covered in the runs by Uranus this weekend.

BW: Uranus 29, Dickinson 22

PC: Dicks pummels anuses so Dickinson wins... that is unless the anus doesn't allow the dick to enter. NOW i am sure the dick will just roofie and conquer.

PC: Dickinson by 69

NFL

Cincinnati @ Pittsburgh

BJ: Chad Ochocinco was just fined $20,000 for "bribing" an official. The best part about all this hoopla is the fact that if CBS had never put a camera on him during the review of the play, no one would be talking about it and there would be no fine. The refs during the game looked so sick of putting up with his shit, they didn't even realize that he was trying to "bribe" them.
Steelers are on a roll and now that I've watched the Bears play every game for 9 games, I'm pretty sure the Steelers should be 7-1. (Still can't believe the Bears beat them)
You heard it here first: Pittsburgh doesn't lose another game all year!

BJ: Pittsburgh -7

BW: All everyone does is rip on the Bengals. If the talking heads were right every game, the Bengals would be 0-8. Win late in the game? They say Fluke. Win on a last minute drive and the other team committed penalties? They say Luckyyy. Blow teams out? They say the other teams suck. Well guess what -- good teams find ways to win games that bad teams would find ways to lose. Thats why some teams are 5-3 instead of 3-5, etc. etc. etc. I don't know if the Bengals will win this game, but I think they'll keep it within a touchdown.

BW: Bengals +7

PC: I hate both teams, I hate cincy less.

PC: Bengals +7

Indianapolis @ New England

BJ: I hate Tom Brady. I love Peyton Manning. I will not spend anytime analyzing any game for the Patriots. I hope the Colts win by 45, but that probably wont happen.

BJ:Indy -3

BW: If this match-up took place in the Double Stuff Racing League I'd take Petyon -69 -- but it's not. God I just hate Bawwwston. So many people bow down to the evil empire coaching strategy to Mr. Spygate himself and I will agree he's gotten the most out of his players over the past 7 or 8 seasons, but Mr. Spygate has done it in the most douchey way possible. His wardrobe: douchey. Personality (we're being hypothetical here, we all know he doesn't have one): douchey. His QB: douchey. But damnit, I dont think Peyton will pull this one off.

Douchebags: +4

PC: I am not sure how one of you picked +4 and the other picked -3 but I am taking New England and whatever the spread is.

PC: NE (insert spread here).

Game of the Week: Kansas City @ Oakland

BJ: Is any team less mentioned in the NFL than the Kansas City Chiefs?
JaMarcus Russel continues to win the award for "Biggest Nig to Ever Waste 100% of your 'Talent.'" He has not played one game this year with more touchdowns than interceptions. When he throws 0 INTs, he throws 0 touchdowns and completes about 40% of his throws. I actually like Tom Brady more than I like JaMarcus Russel. Russel is so fucking fat!
After my completely legitimate analysis, I can't honestly see either team winning. I really think this will end in a 3-3 tie.

BJ: Oakland +2

BW: If there were ever a match-up that had "subject to blackout in local market" this has got to be it. And no; I am not referring to the Raiders fans coming out in full force to create another 'black hole' on a Sunday afternoon. I am still laughing at the contract the Chiefs gave Cassel who, aside form one season whcih he managed to put up decent numbers against bad teams and bad numbers against good teams, has yet to prove is anything more than the lifelong back up he has always been. I'm sure Cassel is laughing too, only his is laughing all the way to the bank. Larry Johnson is gone. The Cheifs sucked the life out of him from during a few gaudy seasons and like so many running backs before him, the franchise that wore him out, quickly showed him the door when things turned sour. Or as Johnson would presumably call it "all fuckin faggy." While Larry Johnson may be all out of fight, Tom Cable certainly has more fight left in him. Perhaps Johnson and Cable can meet up after the season is over when both are unemployed (or during the season while both are unemployed) and together they beat all the women they desire. Gimme da Raidas! Cuz lets be honest -- if the Chiefs do win it will not be more than 1.

BW: Oakland +2

PC: UMMMMMMMM.....

PC: KC -2

Sorry for my inadequate analysisisisisis but I gotta get to gaming. sammich out